MY HOPELESSNESS KEEPS ME COMPANY AT NIGHT.

Mon, 06 Nov 2006 21:53:23 GMT

since people are really cool and like to read my journal when i don't even talk to them and go around saying things about it, i'm making a new journal, and its friends only. add me.

kathryn51091.livejournal.com
kathryn51091.livejournal.com
kathryn51091.livejournal.com
kathryn51091.livejournal.com
kathryn51091.livejournal.com
kathryn51091.livejournal.com
kathryn51091.livejournal.com
kathryn51091.livejournal.com

Fri, 27 Oct 2006 20:01:13 GMT

james is taking me to dashboard &brand new tomorrow. i'm so excited.

Sat, 14 Oct 2006 03:53:10 GMT

jake im'd me today. just to "chat" or whatever. and then i had to go and he said "see you at the game?" and i said for sure. it got my hopes up. and i thought well maybe we'll hang out. maybe something will happen. but no. he shows up with fucking jessie and sarah. i highly suspect him and jessie had a thing before she started dating danny. and out of no where, jake was drunk! yeah since when. he used to be sooooo against it. and my mom even noticed he was drunk. she was at the game and she came up to me and was like "is jake drunk?" and i didn't know what to say. and then she was like "its so obvious." eeeek. sucks for him. he kept making eye contact with me and being loud so i would notice he was near me. why does he do this? seriously. i hate still having feelings for him. today, the 13, would have been 2 years and 5 monthes for our relationship. and god do i miss him. but he is such an asshole, and a;lsfjdaskld. i don't know what to do anymore. tomorrow is homecoming. i don't know what i'll do if he asks me to dance. its going to be the absolute worst. gah >:[

Sun, 01 Oct 2006 01:59:08 GMT

I hope she makes your heart beat faster,
like the way you said it did when i touched you.
I hope she's beautiful, the most gorgeous girl in the world.
I hope she's everything you've ever wanted plus more.
the model thin girl who can out drink you in drinking games,
the girl who will talk to you at 4 in the morning because you called drunk
and thats "what shes supposed to do."
I hope she's perfect.
So fucking perfect it makes you sick.
I hope you look at her and remember my flaws.
and realize why they made me special. and why they attracted you so much.
I hope you miss my eyes everytime you look into her blank stare.
I hope you miss my sarcscam,
and how i didnt necessiarly always just agree with you,
every time she just goes along with it and doesnt have a unique opinion.
I hope you miss my smile,
the one i showed when i was truly happy and really apperiacted something,
every single time you look at hers and know its fake,
so fake it makes your stomach turn.
But most of all, I hope you miss my kiss.
The ones that were so full of passion and LOVE,
everytime you kiss her and konw its nothing but LUST.

i don't even know if i've fully moved on..

Sun, 10 Sep 2006 13:48:05 GMT

Wed, 02 Aug 2006 03:51:17 GMT

fc to workout.
swam.
napped then alex came over.
baskin robbins with jerali. hahaha.
swimmage @ his crib.
cherries&the poops. haha.
goodnight!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAIGE <3 :]

Mon, 31 Jul 2006 06:42:30 GMT

[] I am male.
[x] I am female.
[] I'm tall.
[x] I'm short.
[x] I have kinda longish hair.
[x] I have shoulder length hair.
[x] I have short hair.
[] I always wear my hair down.
[] I always wear my hair up.
[x] I wear it both ways.
[x] I wear pigtails.
[x] I've dyed my hair.
[x] I am single.
[] I am taken.
[] I am in love.
[] I am married.
[x] I want to get married eventually.
[] I'm not sure if I want to get married.
[] I have children.
[x] I want children someday.
[] I'm not sure if I want children.
[x] I like long surveys.
[x] I'm a random person.
[x] I'm shy.
[x] I'm friendly.
[x] I'm loud.
[] I'm quiet.
[] I have brown eyes.
[] I have blue eyes.
[x] I have green eyes.
[] I have hazel eyes.
[] I'm a vegetarian.
[x] I wish I lived somewhere else.
[x] I like where I live.
[x] I've traveled out of the country.
[x] My favorite kind of movies are romantic.
[x] My favorite kind of movies are comedy.
[x] My favorite kind of movies are horror.
[x] My favorite kind of movies are musicals.
[x] My favorite kind of movies are dramatic.
[] My favorite kind of movies are action.
[x] My favorite kind of movies are something not mentioned.
[x] I have a best friend.
[] I'm gay.
[] I'm a lesbian.
[] I'm bisexual.
[x] I'm straight.
[] I have a fetish.
[x] My favorite kind of music is rock.
[x] My favorite kind of music is pop.
[] My favorite kind of music is country.
[x] My favorite kind of music is rap.
[x] My favorite kind of music is hip hop.
[x] My favorite kind of music is classic rock.
[x] My favorite kind of music is punk.
[] My favorite kind of music is metal.
[x] My favorite kind of music is industrial.
[x] My favorite kind of music is classical.
[x] My favorite kind of music is gothic.
[] My favorite kind of music is grunge.
[x] My favorite kind of music is emo/screamo.
[x] My favorite kind of music is 80s stuff.
[x] My favorite kind of music is club/techno.
[x] My favorite kind of music is something not mentioned.
[x] I'm scared of clowns.
[x] I'm scared of spiders.
[x] I'm scared of death.
[] I'm scared of heights.
[x] I'm scared of commitment.
[] I'm scared of the supernatural.
[] I'm scared of blood.
[] I'm scared of the dark.
[] I'm scared of thunder/lightning.
[] I'm scared of needles.
[x] I'm scared of something not common.
[x] I get scared easily.
[] I'm not really scared of anything.
[] It takes a lot to scare me.
[] My favorite TV show is a reality show.
[] I always eat breakfast.
[x] I'm online too much.
[] I watch too much TV.
[] I like video games.
[x] I love art.
[] I can draw well.
[x] I cant draw to save my life.
[] I like school.
[x] I'm in high school.
[x] I have at least one mean teacher.
[x] I'm planning on going to college.
[x] I have a job.
[x] My future career has something to do with the arts.
[] My future career has something to do with the law.
[] My future career has something to do with medicine.
[x] My future career has something to do with entertainment.
[] My future career has something to do with kids.
[] My future career has something to do with animals.
[] My future career involves something else.
[x] I dont know what I want to be.
[x] I wear makeup.
[] I can't live without my guitar.
[] I cant live without my drumset.
[] I cant live without my piano/keyboard.
[] I can't live without my phone.
[x] I can't live without my computer.
[x] I can't live without my camera.
[] I can't live without my TV.
[x] My favorite type of food is Mexican.
[x] My favorite type of food is Italian.
[x] My favorite type of food is Chinese.
[x] My favorite type of food is American.
[x] My favorite type of food is something exotic.
[] I don't have a favorite type.
[] My favorite color is blue.
[] My favorite color is red.
[x] My favorite color is green.
[] My favorite color is orange.
[] My favorite color is black.
[] My favorite color is yellow.
[x] My favorite color is white.
[] My favorite color is gray.
[] My favorite color is pink.
[x] My favorite color is purple.
[x] My favorite color is something else.
[] I dont have a favorite color.
[x] I like a lot of colors.
[x] I'm against war.
[] I support war.
[] I dont really care about war.
[x] My room is messy.
[] I share a room.
[x] I have my own.
[x] I live with both my parents.
[] I live with my mom.
[] I live with my dad.
[] I dont live with my parents.
[x] I have brothers.
[] I have sisters.
[x] They're older.
[x] They're younger.
[x] Some are older, some are younger.
[] They're stepbrothers/sisters.
[x] They're half brothers/sisters.
[] I get along with my siblings.
[] I'm an only child.
[x] I get sad easily.
[x] I get mad easily.
[x] I get annoyed easily.
[x] I get disappointed easily.
[x] I get bored easily.
[x] I'm easily amused.
[] I laugh when I'm nervous.
[x] I stutter when I'm nervous.
[x] I bite my nails.
[] only in school.
[x] I shake my leg.
[x] I can sing well.
[x] I love to sing.
[] I suck at singing but I do it anyway.
[x] I sing in the shower.
[x] I'm ok with my body.
[x] I dont like my body.
[x] I like gory movies.
[x]I've been in a car accident.
[x] I've been stung by a bee.
[x] I've sprained my anlke
[x] I've broken a bone.
[x] I've gotten stitches.
[x] I've been rushed to the hospital in an ambulance.
[x] I have an iPod.
[]I have an MP3 player.
[x] I have a CD player.
[x] I download music.
[x] I have pets.
[x] I've smoked a cigarette.
[] I've done hard drugs.
[x]I like to read.
[x] I like to write.
[x] I'm allergic to something.
[] I know what turns me on.
[] I have a lot of money.
[] I'm sick.
[x]I've thought about suicide.
[x] I've tried to commit suicide.
[] I've written a suicide note.
[x] I regret some things I've done.
[x] I believe in God.
[] I'm Atheist.
[x] I'm Christian.
[] I'm Wiccan.
[] I'm Satanic.
[] I'm Catholic.
[] I'm Jewish.
[] I'm Muslim.
[] I'm Mormon.
[] I'm Agnostic.
[] I'm a Jehovah's Witness.
[] I'm something not mentioned here.
[] I've kissed someone of the same sex.
[x] I've kissed someone of the opposite sex.
[x] I've been in a serious relationship.
[x] I've dated someone for over a year.
[x] My first kiss was amazing.
[] I dont remember my first kiss.
[] I never had a first kiss.
[] I didnt like my first kiss.
[x] I've gotten attached to someone.
[x] I like someone right now.
[?] They like me, too.
[] They dont like me.
[] They dont know I like them.
[x] I like one of my friends.
[x] I have a lava lamp.
[x] I have candles.
[] I have incense.
[] I have a black light.
[x] I wear jewelry.
[x] I have a favorite actor.
[x] I have a favorite actress.
[x] I still have something from when I was a baby.
[x] I have stuffed animals.

Mon, 31 Jul 2006 06:25:11 GMT

so i guess me and james aren't going to date. or try. i hate my fucking parents. and my brother is pissing me off. i told him something i have never told anyone in my entire life. i put more trust into him than i put into my two year relationship with jake. i just wish i was older. or he was younger. fuck.

>:[ >:'[

Sun, 30 Jul 2006 04:39:44 GMT

warped tour was absolutly great. so hot. but so great. i saw like the world there. new boston crew, james, chelsea, and neil, others and more others. i came home and showered. and james came over. we sat on telegraph for the cars thingy. we had a hardcore talk about everything. why can't he be younger. why can't i be older. why are my parents so fucking stupid. hes the one person i feel comfortable telling my life story to without worrying he'll judge me. we have so much to talk about and asl;fjaskld. i just want to be with him so bad, but hes 19. four years older than me. i know age doesn't matter but to my parents, apperently it does. and they are what, 5 years apart. this makes me so mad i find someone who i totally connect with and hes too old. alsfjasklfjdaslkfjdaslrfd. i'm pissed, but at the same time i'm just happy were friends. i'm glad i have him to talk to about jake, and other things in my life i don't even feel comfortable telling emily. hes so amazing about everything and he doesn't drink or smoke and thats such a plus. this totally sucks. i don't know what to do :'[

Wed, 26 Jul 2006 21:45:45 GMT

hey everyone :]
sorry i havn't updated in so long. i've been out and about everyday almost. i went to south haven yesterday to see my cousins. it was sort of boring, but i love the whole beach lifestyle and the cute little downtown area. joel's home. i talked to him. hes "talking" with some girl now. sort of sucks for me, but i'm over it. will honto is so cute :] we hung out last week with sam, mike, and kyle. i'm seeing him friday too. i think i have a minor crush on james. nothing incredibly crazy, i just like hanging out with him. hes too old though. but i'm satisfied with my life at the moment. being single has its fun parts. but then at times i miss having someone to hold hands with, go to the movies, go out to dinner, and just hang out. my cousin and her boyfriend are absolutly adorible. i miss having someone. but being single is fun too ;] but like i said, i'm satisfied. i'm excited to go to new boston on friday to see sam! <3 peace out loves :D

Fri, 21 Jul 2006 03:46:57 GMT

went with james to get his lip pierced. looks fucking amazing. such a cute boy.
cousin ben from arizona came today. we made rice :]
saquids and click.
balled my eyes out.
i love summer.
i want to be at sams.
i love her. and hanging out with her.
mmmmmm LIFE. <333

Wed, 19 Jul 2006 16:47:27 GMT

i can honesty say that this is my favorite summer yet. last night i went to sam's with emily. we hung out with mike and will. we went to wyandotte and met scarlet ;] haha. we went to sams then walked all the way to mike and wills! we had to go through some trail and i was so scared. we went swimming at mike and wills. jason was there. we went to dennys at like 330. they don't have good hot chocolate >:[ but its okay because jason payed for me :] afterrrr that we picked up some jake kid and went to jasons because his parents were out of town. we chilled till like 530. then came back to sams and fell asleep so fast. i love hanging out with sam and her friends. they are so funny and good at life. i want to go to jason tonight, but i have to work >:[ i can't wait for camp and hopefully THE DELLLL for memorial day :D i love lifeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

oh yeah, i pierced my lip.

Tue, 18 Jul 2006 04:33:14 GMT

more of an update from canada--

so i got there and met matt. a total sweetheart. i met amazing people. seriously, some of the coolest people i have ever met. hanging out with them and just like being there got my mind off of everything. the hot guys were a plus ;] me and darcy were obsessed with logan <333 MOFUNGOOOO! and dylannnn was a cutie too :D we did so many amazing things. lmao @ banana boating and jetskiing w/ dave! <3 the last night of it was christinas sweet sixteen! and let me tell you it was SWEEET. swimming at like 1am in the lake, dylan and spencers bed, ganster night, ah. amazing. and imgiht be going back for labor dayyyyyy :D :D :D :D i got in a huge fight with jake. i'm done with that situation. like sure, i'll miss him. but i'll live. my cousin sam is so strong. like, she lost her brother. jake was a boyfriend. my cousin mallory lost her dad. shes still living life and being awesome. i'll live. joel has been acting so weird lately. i'm not going to see him/i havn;t seen him in so long. supposedly wayne like me. which isn't so bad. hes cute :] so far my summer has been amazing. for the first time in so long i'm truly happy and satisfied with everything. jake was a big part of my life, but i'm ready to move on, i'm ready to let go.

Mon, 17 Jul 2006 00:08:38 GMT

so last week was amazing. i met so many amazing people. i love them all. dylan = <3 good kisser :D haha. i love life.

Sat, 08 Jul 2006 21:28:37 GMT

i hate boys. >:[

Sat, 08 Jul 2006 18:13:24 GMT

i loved new boston with sam.
her friend mike is funny.
we went to a graduation party.
i didn't know anyone. but it was still fun.
her mom is so cute. i love her family.
i work 6-? tonight.
joel comes home. i miss him tonsssssssssssssssss.
i hope i get to see him before i leave for canada.
canada 9-16. woo? should be fun.
i miss joel. i already said that?
peace.

Fri, 07 Jul 2006 20:39:37 GMT

meg's cottage was so amazing. i loved it. emily, julia, jo jo, maureen, meg, mike, wayne, jake, nevin, danny, andrew and danny were all there. it was a little weird with jake, and still is. we tryed talking. well i just talked. and then we talked again about him and katie. it was so hard for me to talk about him and another girl being together. but i think after talking to him i might be able to move on. those 2 years were some of the best and worst times. but now that we talked and were friends again, i think i'm ready to just move on. and yeah, i'll still be hurt when him and katie date, but i think i can make it. i just hate thinking its going to be her in his arms, her talking with his family, HER saying ILOVEYOU, her being me. but i'm going to get over it sooner or later. joel comes home tomorrow :D but i'm working till 11ish =( i hope i can still see him. i'm going to sam's tonight! :D i'm so excited to see her and meet her friends. oh man, i'm excited :D i love life. and summer. peace :D

Wed, 05 Jul 2006 17:37:23 GMT

all american rejects concert was good.
my cousin mallory is a freak. jk i love her.
megs cottage w/ a lot of people including jake untill friday.
this should be interesting.
peace.

Mon, 03 Jul 2006 18:09:24 GMT

i miss camp dearborn.

yesterday me and emily watched "me you and everyone we know" i liked it. it was kind of weird but i liked it. after that we went fishing with my dad in wyandotte. i drove all the way there! we drove by jimmy johns and almost went in, mike vos works there! we didn't catch anything so we came home and went to holiday grill. i came home and showered/got ready. i went to emilys and sam was already there. we hung out with jose eli and sheldon. we went to the golf course then had a bon fire at emilys. they left around 1ish and we went upstairs and chilled. i layed down and just fell asleep. i was so tired. this morning we went to diving but our coach didn't show up so we peaced that popsicle stand and came home. my parents took us to lunch and i ran into work to get my hours. i hate my work >:[ emily had to drive at 2 then were hanging out with steph and alex?! i hope. i can't wait untill camp, i want to get away from dearborn so bad. mmm two weeks at camp. amazing.

*missyou.

Sun, 02 Jul 2006 16:58:25 GMT

i am so tired. i had a bon fire last night. it was fun. i didn't even hang out with some of the people that were there, but it was still fun. jake came, things are cool between us again. i think. it was nice just to talk to him, and see how his summer was. but at the same time it was weird because my last two summers consisted of him. joel came home last night. he stopped by. i missed him, but now hes gone again for another week in canada. he got mad at me for "hooking up" with josh. but i didn't even hook up with him. we just held hands and whatnot. he also said he "couldn't complain" because were doing our own thing for the summer. i have no idea what is going to happen with me and him after a month. he was acting so weird about it last night. but its not really on my mind for now. james stopped by too. it was fun to hang out with him. my brother and him are like old pals. random. everyone left around 130ish. i was so tired. me emily and sam made pizza roles then sam left. me and emily just talked and watched next. hah. we didn't end up going to bed untill 430ish. i'm going to be so tired today. my summer has been so amazing so far. i love it.

Sat, 01 Jul 2006 22:18:36 GMT

so some updatage.

thursday and friday i went to camp dearborn to see ian bry trev and mike w/ alex emily and chelsey. thursday was so fun. we played apples to apples and went swimming in the river. we saw josh up there. ohhh man. he is gorgeous. me and him chilled, held hands. good times. we went to the canteen with everyone and mike schmitt & nick & nate moore came too. we danced and it was so much fun. i loved it. we went back to ians tent and had a camp fire. <3333 loved it. we left around 12 and chelseys mom took us to taco bell. i came home and just went online then talked with my brother. then went to bed. we went back up to camp d around 12ish. hannah drove us. haha it took us 2 hours instead of 1 because we got lost. it was hilarious. once we figured out where we were going we went to wendys and got food. i walked into the bathroom and some girl who was like 12 was glaring at me through the crack of the backroom door. it was the weirdest thing everrrrr. when we were leaving we hit a huge curb and i hit my head really hard. emily said she cracked her spine. hahah. we got to camp dearborn and pulled up at ians tent and trevor was sleeping on a bench so we honked and woke him up. ian and bryan came back from where ever and then josh cameee. we played apples to apples and mancolla. we went on a walk and trev and josh played the guitar while we walked. we played at the park then went back to ians and went swimming. we swam across the lake and then swam back. after we got out we went to the bathroom and got ready. the boys said we were in there for like 45 mintues, but for us it felt like 15. i dunno, weird. after that we sat and talked with ians dad about the randomest things. i loved it. i love his dad too. after that we went to the canteen. danced. waited like 45 mintues for emily to get bosko sticks. josh asked me to dance again, hes so tall! i could barely reach his shoulders. but i didn't mind. it was worth it. after that we sat at the camp fire then we left around 12. came home and went to bed. this morning i got up and then went back to bed for a while. me and emily went shopping and i got new jeans. we saw james at american eagle and julia and maureens mom. after that we went to farmer jacks. got food. tonight i'm having a bon fire with a lot of people. emily told everyone just to come. haha. it'll be fun though. joel comes home at 12. then leaves tomorrow. gay. anyways. i love this summer. <3

Sat, 01 Jul 2006 15:56:38 GMT

i love camp dearborn.

i look like i'm five years old.

<3

Fri, 30 Jun 2006 05:21:56 GMT

i love camp dearborn.
i love emily alex chelsey ian bryan trev josh mike nate nick mike and everyother person that exists thereeeeeeeeee.
i love camp fires and holding hands.
i love summer and my life.
i may not be over you but i'm getting there. and the way things have been going for me this summer, i'll be over you in no time. you weren't a waste of time, just a waste of my love to be thrown away. have fun getting drunk and becoming the person you hate. have a good life. i'm done with you. i'm done with us.

Thu, 29 Jun 2006 04:13:53 GMT

tomorrow is my last day of drivers training. amazing. right after i'm going to CAMP DEARBORN. and i'm seeing ian vos, bryan patton, and trevor vashor. perfect. i ate mac n cheese again today. its the only thing i know how to make. i went shopping with emily and nanny. we saw julia meg and jo there too. i got some pants for $6! amazing. and i got others too. i got this cute shirt from hollister, and a tank from some store. i spent all of my money :[ but whatev :] jake called today, he wanted to get his head phones. he said a half hour he'd be over, he came about an hour later. i couldn't find them, so it took sort of a while. my mom said she missed him coming over. i miss it too. it felt so good to see him walking into my room and hearing him laugh and talk. after i found the head phones he gave me a ride to emilys. and of course the rest of the night i thought about him. when i got to emilys maureen was already there. hyper of course :] then meg zoe and julia came. we went to blockbuster and starbucks. it was nice. we came back to emilys and chilled. maureen was like "why don't we get some boys over here?!" and i was like i'm not in the mood for boys.. and she was like "thats because you want jake!" and i was like wtf. it was gay. we watched rumor has it, it was so cute. i loved it. after that meg gave me a ride home and now i'm here. i think i'm going to do one of those foot spa things before i go to bed, it sounds amazing. i cannot wait untill camp dearborn tomorrow. i get to see my boys! and alex is coming this time. :D :D joel comes home saturday. i'm excited to see him. i need to figure out whats going on with me and that boy. i want to have a bon fire soon. my parents just redid the back pourch, and i want to have people over back there :] goodnight. <3

-- "your the only person i can be myself with, even if i don't know who that is"
-- "i'm not here to say i can't live without you, i can live without you, i just don't want to."
-- rumor has it.

Wed, 28 Jun 2006 15:40:03 GMT

I never dreamt it'd be this way
I've lost any chance for me to say
To say that I miss you, say that I love you
Will someone please tell me I'm okay

I wasn't prepared for what's to come
A life made of memories gone so young
And now I'm regretting all I've done
But in your heart know that I'm with you all along

Wherever you go, I will be waiting
Whenever you call, I will be there
Whatever it takes, I'll make your darkest days so bright
I'm in your heart tonight

I never thought that this could go
And take me away from all I know
And leave me to think I'm on my own
But your love will take me, you were the one...

...Who sat through nights
You held me tight
And made sure I'm okay
And I thank you for the love you gave to me

Wherever you go, I will be waiting
Whenever you call, I will be there
Whatever it takes, I'll make your darkest days so bright
I'm in your heart tonight...

Tonight...

Wherever you go, I will be waiting
Whenever you call, I will be there
Whatever it takes, I'll make your darkest days so bright
Wherever you go, I will be waiting
Whenever you call, I will be there
Whatever it takes, I'll make your darkest days so bright
And if I should fall, I know you're waiting
And if I should call, I know you're there
If ever you cry just know
I'm in your heart tonight...
I'm in your heart tonight.